Cherishing vs Karma

Today's message in church was about "Cherishing every individual".  In 1 Timothy 5, God expresses his concern for widows.  At the time the letter to Timothy was written, unmarried women had a difficult time making ends meet, especially older women.  Paul wanted to make sure that women with no means of support were supported by the church.

In James, God expresses his concern for widows and orphans--expanding the list of those the church needs to especially care about.  Throughout the Bible, there are examples of God miraculously and mundanely supporting those who struggle to survive.  The Father has a heart for the defenseless.  And so should we.

A good portion of people in the world believe in karma.  I do.  The bible says, "you will harvest what you plant".  "What goes around, comes around." 

However, some people associate karma with fate.  If a person is suffering in some way, they deserve it.  A person with a disability must have done something terrible in a past life to deserve it.  So, the logic goes, we should not interfere with karma.  Let people suffer.  It is the only way they will learn.  This is the universe dolling out justice.

Thank God that reincarnation and this type of karma are not the reality.  God gives us mercy, not justice.  God forgives us for Jesus sake.  There is no eternal wheel of punishment and rebirth.

Because of this, we also cherish everyone around us.  We do not ignore people's suffering.  We do what we can to help the vulnerable and give out of our blessings to be a blessing to others.  We do not view people who suffer as less than ourselves.

We were at the State Fair yesterday.  I saw something on the back of someone's t-shirt that said, "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."  On the front, it said, "Be kind".

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Loving Lesbians

About a month ago, we were out for my daughter's birthday, and her girlfriend made a comment that she wished someone would adopt her.  In my mind, I immediately wanted to say, "I will adopt you."  She needs a dad in her life and I have a heart for so-called orphans.

But I could not say anything because she is a lesbian who is living with my daughter.

I then thought about how Paul says God has adopted us into his family.  God made that decision before the creation of the world.  It was not because of anything I did but purely out of love for me.

Maybe I should offer the same kind of unconditional love to my daughter's friend.

One thing you learn in support groups for people with loved ones who are addicts is that you can't change the addict.  They have to want to change.  They have to make the decision.  They have to do the work.  It is similar for unrepentant sinners.  The healthy do not need a doctor but a seemingly healthy person may have cancer.  They need to see the test results and agree with the prognosis.  Pretending they are healthy does no good.  The disease inside will kill them.  All have sinned...

Also, Paul says, "It is not my business to judge those who are not part of the group of believers. God will judge them."  In other words, live and let live.  But I can't support someone who is hurting my daughter's faith.  How can I take her into my family?  There have to be conditions.

I know that conviction is the "strange work of the HS".  I cannot convict anyone.  However, I do pray that God would convict my kids (and me); that he would weigh them down with guilt and then comfort them with the sure hope of salvation when they cry out for relief.  That is all I can do.  I stand at the end of the road and wait.

Free will and bad choices

I am reading Al-Anon literature because I have a loved one who is suffering the consequences of drinking to excess.  Al-Anon says that we are powerless to fix the alcoholic.  We cannot make choices for them.  They "deserve the chance to hit a 'bottom' of their own."  "All we can do is to serve as an example of the joy and serenity that recovery can provide, and respect the rights of our loved ones to make the choices they need to make, even if we despise the nature of these choices."  (Empasis mine)

Is this true?  Do we sit back and let people close to us make bad decisions that lead to painful consequences?  What if these consequences lead to their death or the death of someone else?  Am I cuplable if I do nothing?  Someone said, "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph in the world is that good men do nothing."  Does evil have a right to triumph?  Don't I have a duty to intervene if I can stop something bad from happening?

What about me?  The Bible says, "People are evil from the time they are young."  And "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure."  God knows me.  He knows my heart.  He knows that I make bad decisions over and over again.

Yet, he lets me make them.  God allows me to make choices to hit bottom, even if my choices are contrary to His nature.

God knows that I am powerless to fix my heart.  But, I am not abandoned.  I am not alone.  God has shared his righteousness in the Law.  It is my reminder of how I should live.  Bad choices have natureal consequences to keep me on the right path or steer me back to it when I stray.  Jesus is my example of living with love and joy and peace.

What about those close to me who are making bad choices?  Do I have any responsibility to them?  At the very beginning of time, Cain was angry that God liked Abel's gift, but did not accept Cain's gift.  God came to Cain and told him to fight the sin inside of him.  God did not go to Adam and Eve and tell them to rein in their son.  After Cain killed his brother, God confronted Cain, not Adam and Eve.  Nowhere in the Bible are Adam and Eve held accountable for Abel's murder.  Maybe they blamed themselves for doing nothing.  No one else did.  

The lesson is that each of us is personally responsible for our actions. 

Does this mean that we stand aside while people make bad decisions?  No.  Maybe Adam and Eve were on their guard about Cain.  Maybe that is why Cain asked Abel to go out into the field with him, away from the rest of the family.  When God confronted Cain, Cain acted like he had no idea what happened because the murder was done in secret.

God tells Ezekiel that he is responsible for the people of his generation.  Ezekiel must tell them to stop sinning.  If they stop, great.  If they choose to keep sinning, they will be punished, not Ezekiel.  On the other hand, if Ezekiel does not speak up, he will be punished for the people's sins.

Perhaps the same is true for me.  I can be the light of the world as God's love shines through me.  I can be the salt of the earth and burn in the wound of someone who is making bad choices.  I can be hope, and faith, and an instrument of God's peace.  

People are still free to reject the good and turn to the darkness.  This is something I have no control over.  All I can do is bloom where I am planted and pray that God uses me for His glory and to bring people closer to Him.

May God give me the courage to do this today.

A Pickle Can Never Be a Cucumber Again

My wife and I have attended support meetings for families of substance abusers.  In one meeting, the leader told a story about a guy who loved growing cucumbers to turn them into pickles.  The leader used pickles as a metaphor for substance abusers.  "Once a cucumber becomes a pickle, it can never go back to being a cucumber."  The same is true for addicts.

Addicts at the beginning of their recovery often think they can get their addiction under control.  They know that sometimes they go too far, but they need to learn how to drink socially like other people do.  "I should be able to have a beer during the game.", is the thought.  "Everything in moderation."  The truth is, addicts can never use again.  An addict is a pickle.  They cannot be a cucumber again.

Does this mean I can never have one beer while watching the game, or a cocktail or joint after work to take the edge off, or a beer with the work team after a long day at work?  Yes.  Never again.

"I'm sure I can control it.  I can have a glass of wine with the family at Thanksgiving."  The problem is that you can; sometimes.  Not going on a bender one time makes the addict feel like they are not truly an addict or that they beat the addiction.  This makes them feel comfortable slipping back into old habits.  That leads to stronger cravings and weaker resistance to temptation.

Sure, you may be able to have one beer watching the game this week and not keep going.  Maybe next week that turns into one beer per quarter; still way less than what you used to do.  What happens when the quarterback throws four interceptions and they end up losing to the worst team in the league?  This could be the trigger that causes an addict to have a relapse.  

Addicts have an internal love affair with the substance they abuse.  They love the anticipation to use.  They love the feeling that using gives.   Feeding the craving in a small way leads to larger cravings.

What happens when work is more stressful than normal?  If one has been having a drink to take the edge off, an extra stressful day requires more drinks.  It's easier to deal with the temptations, triggers, and cravings that come from unusal circumstances if one has a record of sobriety.

No one who is dealing with an addiction wants to believe they have to give it up.  Diabetics do not want to stop eating bread and ice cream.  Gamblers do not want to stop buying the occasional lottery ticket.  Workaholics do not want to stop working after 40 hours or give up volunteering after work.

Someone once asked Ted Williams, who had 20/10 vision and was considered one of the best hitters in baseball history, why he did not swing at pitches just outside the strike zone.  After all, he could have gotten a few more hits if he swung at a pitch that was just a bit outside.  Ted said, "you have to draw the line somewhere."

There is no way for an addict to be a casual addict.  It's all or nothing.  A pickle is a pickle.  It can never be a cucumber again.

Going to Prison

I dropped my son off at the House of Corrections last night to serve a 30 day sentence.  Could be worse.  Maybe it should be.

He has been making jokes about serving the time but I know he is scared.  His mother and I are scared.  And sad.  And concerned.  And hopeful.  Scared that this experience will scar him physically or mentally.  Scared that he will harden his heart and not learn anything.  Hopeful that somehow, this experience will snap him out of the funk he has been in for the past year.  Hopeful that this will make him afraid to break the rules, afraid to hang out with people of bad character that corrupt good conscience.  

He needs a job and has to get one when he gets out of jail.  It will be hard.  Many businesses will not hire someone with a felony on their record.  His driver's license is suspended for at least eight more months.  He has no car.  He has no money to buy a car.  There are no businesses close to our house that he could walk to or ride a bike to.  The road ahead climbs a hill.

I do not ask God, "why?".  That is not important.  God is in control.  He will work all things out for good.  I trust in Him and wait for relief and peace.  

Yet, my heart aches.  Like the father of the prodigal son, I stand at the edge of my property looking for my son to return.  There is nothing I can do.  I cannot fix this.  I can encourage.  I can reprimand.  But, in the end, recovery and change is in the hands and mind of a 19 year old young man.  He can choose to make the same bad choices.  He can continue to view himself as a failure.  He can choose to walk the path of recovery, day-by-day.  All I can do is pray and hope.

The only thing that really matters is where we end up when we die.  I believe my son has a saving faith in Jesus Christ.  However, the bible says in several places that a person is known by what they do.  "Can a thorn bush produce grapes?", Jesus asked.  We are all thorn bushes to some extent.  At the same time, believers are also grafted into the vine that is Jesus.  Through him (or maybe him through us), we produce good fruit.  It is faith that matters most.  The Spirit of Christ produces fruit in us.  

"LIve your life through my son, Jesus.  Be patience, kindness, hope, charity, joy, goodness, faithfulness, and especially, self-control in him."  This is my hope.

I will take my son out of prison in 30 days.  I pray he will be a different person, in Christ.

Should I worry about others?

The Bible has a lot to say about worry and trusting God.  However, it always seems to talk about things that affect me.  In the Psalms, when the author is asking God for help, he always talks about stuff that is affecting him directly.  For example, people are threatening to kill him.  Sometimes, the concerns are about the author's personal health or financial situation.  The same appears to be true throughout the Bible.  Whenever someome is appealing to God for help, it is for relief from personal affliction.  There are times when people petition God on behalf of the entire nation of Israel, but that also includes the petitioner.

When Jesus talks about suffering and relief from God, he also makes it personal.  In the sermon on the mount, he mentions a person worrying about food, and clothing.  In John 10, Jesus says, "In this world, YOU will have trouble."  Again, it is personal.

Everything that happens to Job happens to him personally.  Yes, his kids die but that is directed at him because it is an event that is over for the kids.  They are not suffering with disease or poverty.  Their death affects Job personally as does losing his wealth and his bodily afflictions.

The lesson the Bible gives us for all of these situations where we are personally afflicted is, "Don't worry."  "God will work all things together for good."  "God is God, and you are not.  He's got this."  (That last one is, what I think, the lesson for us in Job.)  This is all good stuff and very true.  We should not worry about our lives.  We should have peace in every circumstance.  We should trust God to take care of us.

What about other people that I care about?  What about my kids?

Are there places in scripture where people are sad or worried about others?  Does anyone cry out to God because there child or friend is suffering.  There is the story of the Prodigal Son.  The father in that story is suffering on behalf of his child.  How do we know this?  Because he is standing at the edge of his property looking for his son to return.  When the son finally returned, the father saw the son "when he was a long way off".  This is a man who was concerned for his son.  Every day.  For years.

There is also the story of the paralytic man that was let down on a cot into the room where Jesus was.  His friends were concerned for their friend.  They took action and brought him to Jesus.  They had faith that Jesus would heal him.

Jesus showed concern for others.  He wept over Jerusalem.  He wept for Lazarus.

Is the lesson for those who worry about others the same as those who worry about themselves?  The father of the prodigal son got his son back.  The paralyzed man was healed.  Lazarus was raised and returned to this friends.  Jerusalem did not repent.  Most stories of unbelief end with the unbelief persisting -- Sodom and Gomorrah, the rich man and Lazarus, Pharoah and the Israelites.

The only time people who mourn do not find relief is when their loved ones are falling away or not believers.  Not all children of Christian parents will be in heaven.  No matter how much a parent prays for their child, the child may still not believe or repent.  How does a parent deal with that?  How can a parent find peace?  Do you just rejoice that your name is written in the book of life.  Do we not care about others in this case?  The same verses that comfort us in our personal afflictions do not apply.  God may not work a child's unbelief for good.  How can it be good if they end up in hell for all eternity?

I don't know the answers to these questions.  I suppose all I can do is continue to witness to my kids and pray for them and hope that the seeds we planted in their youth will bear fruit someday.  Hopefully, the mistakes we made can be overcome.  Maybe we should focus on other people who are called and chosen by God.

How do parents find peace?  How can we rejoice?  How does God find peace when the vast majority of his children refuse to believe in him?

All we can do is hope.

I don't want to eat right

I have type 2 Diabetes.  It affects my sleep.  It affects my energy.  It affects the nerves in my feet and hands.  

My diabetes is not genetic or caused by any medical condition that is out of my control.  I eat too much of the wrong stuff and do not exercise enough.  If I go to my doctor, he is going to tell me to eat better and exercise more.  He is absolutely right.  If I did both of those things to the right levels, I would not have diabetes.  The thing is, I don't want to eat right nor exercise more.  (I'm actually eating some Nutter Butter cookies as I write this.  Not good.)  It does not matter how many times my doctor tells me what to do, I am not going to follow his advice (at least not to the extent that I need to).  I just want him to fix me--get rid of the diabetes.  Hit the reset button on my carb levels so I can keep eating the stuff I like.

I also have problems in my life.  My marriage could be better.  My kids could be making better decisions (this is actually an understatement).  My job could be better.  If I take my problems to God, he will give me advice in the same vein as my doctor.  He is going to tell me to love my wife more; listen to her when she wants to talk; stop being rude.  He'll tell me to be tougher on the kids.  He'll suggest my problems at work are because of my attitude and efforts.  The thing is, I don't want to change in any of these areas either.  I know what I should be doing but I don't want to make the effort.  I just want God to make my problems go away.

There is no magic pill to cure diabetes and there will be no miracle to fix all the problems in my life.  Now what?

One path to take is to simply accept where I am at; don't let things get worse but also don't do the needful to improve.  I'm not really that unhappy where I am and moving off of center in either direction will not be fun.  I can learn to live with where I am, right?  The problem with this strategy is two-fold.  First, if my health declines more, I will face some serious problems.  My feet or fingers could get amputated.  I could have a stroke.  None of that would be good and is not a fair trade to have the ability to eat a donut or some cookies once in awhile.  The other problem is that my bad behavior affects other people.  It's not really fair to them for me not to try harder to be a better husdand, dad, and co-worker.

Another path to take is to make the effort.  Step it up.  Eat better.  Listen more.  Stop goofing off and spending so much time on entertainment activities.  I would prefer this but my track record is pretty dismal.  I start off well but then taper off as real life starts getting too hard.  Will it be different this time?  I doubt it.

Maybe, I just admit defeat and take the treatment to the next level.  For the diabetes, my doctor wants to increase the treatment and put me on insulin.  That would help but once I start, I can never stop, never go back.  Also, I will just eat more junk to account for the increased insulin.  How does that really help?

For the rest, what can God do for me?  Maybe the metaphorically equivalent treatment is to completely change the focus of my life.  As the Bible says, my life is just a mist that is here for a short while.  Heaven is my true home.  That is where my treasure should be stored (Luke 12:32-34).  Jesus invites me to deny myself and pick his up cross (Matt. 16:24).  He says I should take his yoke upon me for his yoke is easy and his burden is light (Matt 11:30).  Maybe my treasure is not my health, nor my job.  Maybe his cross and his yoke are telling (and showing) others that God loves them.  Maybe I need to stop looking for change and just trust that God will work all things for my good (Rom. 8:28).  Maybe I need to stop trying to do things myself and let Jesus live his life through me (Gal. 2:20).

None of this is easy nor comes naturally.  All of this is the complete opposite of the way my sinful nature wants to run my life.  This is the struggle that Paul describes in Romans 7.  "In my mind I am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful self I am a slave to the law of sin.  I thank God for his salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

That being said, I know that I can do all things through Christ.  This does not mean I can perform brain surgery.  It does not mean that I will start eating correctly or listen more to my wife.  It means that in Christ, God will help me carry the cross, and take up his yoke.  It means that I can endure all things, all hardships, all setbacks, all medical issues.   I can add to my treasures in heaven.  I can share the gospel message and the love of Jesus.  Because it is not me.  It is Christ living in me.

Lord I believe.  Help thou my unbelief.