Free will and bad choices

I am reading Al-Anon literature because I have a loved one who is suffering the consequences of drinking to excess.  Al-Anon says that we are powerless to fix the alcoholic.  We cannot make choices for them.  They "deserve the chance to hit a 'bottom' of their own."  "All we can do is to serve as an example of the joy and serenity that recovery can provide, and respect the rights of our loved ones to make the choices they need to make, even if we despise the nature of these choices."  (Empasis mine)

Is this true?  Do we sit back and let people close to us make bad decisions that lead to painful consequences?  What if these consequences lead to their death or the death of someone else?  Am I cuplable if I do nothing?  Someone said, "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph in the world is that good men do nothing."  Does evil have a right to triumph?  Don't I have a duty to intervene if I can stop something bad from happening?

What about me?  The Bible says, "People are evil from the time they are young."  And "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure."  God knows me.  He knows my heart.  He knows that I make bad decisions over and over again.

Yet, he lets me make them.  God allows me to make choices to hit bottom, even if my choices are contrary to His nature.

God knows that I am powerless to fix my heart.  But, I am not abandoned.  I am not alone.  God has shared his righteousness in the Law.  It is my reminder of how I should live.  Bad choices have natureal consequences to keep me on the right path or steer me back to it when I stray.  Jesus is my example of living with love and joy and peace.

What about those close to me who are making bad choices?  Do I have any responsibility to them?  At the very beginning of time, Cain was angry that God liked Abel's gift, but did not accept Cain's gift.  God came to Cain and told him to fight the sin inside of him.  God did not go to Adam and Eve and tell them to rein in their son.  After Cain killed his brother, God confronted Cain, not Adam and Eve.  Nowhere in the Bible are Adam and Eve held accountable for Abel's murder.  Maybe they blamed themselves for doing nothing.  No one else did.  

The lesson is that each of us is personally responsible for our actions. 

Does this mean that we stand aside while people make bad decisions?  No.  Maybe Adam and Eve were on their guard about Cain.  Maybe that is why Cain asked Abel to go out into the field with him, away from the rest of the family.  When God confronted Cain, Cain acted like he had no idea what happened because the murder was done in secret.

God tells Ezekiel that he is responsible for the people of his generation.  Ezekiel must tell them to stop sinning.  If they stop, great.  If they choose to keep sinning, they will be punished, not Ezekiel.  On the other hand, if Ezekiel does not speak up, he will be punished for the people's sins.

Perhaps the same is true for me.  I can be the light of the world as God's love shines through me.  I can be the salt of the earth and burn in the wound of someone who is making bad choices.  I can be hope, and faith, and an instrument of God's peace.  

People are still free to reject the good and turn to the darkness.  This is something I have no control over.  All I can do is bloom where I am planted and pray that God uses me for His glory and to bring people closer to Him.

May God give me the courage to do this today.

A Pickle Can Never Be a Cucumber Again

My wife and I have attended support meetings for families of substance abusers.  In one meeting, the leader told a story about a guy who loved growing cucumbers to turn them into pickles.  The leader used pickles as a metaphor for substance abusers.  "Once a cucumber becomes a pickle, it can never go back to being a cucumber."  The same is true for addicts.

Addicts at the beginning of their recovery often think they can get their addiction under control.  They know that sometimes they go too far, but they need to learn how to drink socially like other people do.  "I should be able to have a beer during the game.", is the thought.  "Everything in moderation."  The truth is, addicts can never use again.  An addict is a pickle.  They cannot be a cucumber again.

Does this mean I can never have one beer while watching the game, or a cocktail or joint after work to take the edge off, or a beer with the work team after a long day at work?  Yes.  Never again.

"I'm sure I can control it.  I can have a glass of wine with the family at Thanksgiving."  The problem is that you can; sometimes.  Not going on a bender one time makes the addict feel like they are not truly an addict or that they beat the addiction.  This makes them feel comfortable slipping back into old habits.  That leads to stronger cravings and weaker resistance to temptation.

Sure, you may be able to have one beer watching the game this week and not keep going.  Maybe next week that turns into one beer per quarter; still way less than what you used to do.  What happens when the quarterback throws four interceptions and they end up losing to the worst team in the league?  This could be the trigger that causes an addict to have a relapse.  

Addicts have an internal love affair with the substance they abuse.  They love the anticipation to use.  They love the feeling that using gives.   Feeding the craving in a small way leads to larger cravings.

What happens when work is more stressful than normal?  If one has been having a drink to take the edge off, an extra stressful day requires more drinks.  It's easier to deal with the temptations, triggers, and cravings that come from unusal circumstances if one has a record of sobriety.

No one who is dealing with an addiction wants to believe they have to give it up.  Diabetics do not want to stop eating bread and ice cream.  Gamblers do not want to stop buying the occasional lottery ticket.  Workaholics do not want to stop working after 40 hours or give up volunteering after work.

Someone once asked Ted Williams, who had 20/10 vision and was considered one of the best hitters in baseball history, why he did not swing at pitches just outside the strike zone.  After all, he could have gotten a few more hits if he swung at a pitch that was just a bit outside.  Ted said, "you have to draw the line somewhere."

There is no way for an addict to be a casual addict.  It's all or nothing.  A pickle is a pickle.  It can never be a cucumber again.

Going to Prison

I dropped my son off at the House of Corrections last night to serve a 30 day sentence.  Could be worse.  Maybe it should be.

He has been making jokes about serving the time but I know he is scared.  His mother and I are scared.  And sad.  And concerned.  And hopeful.  Scared that this experience will scar him physically or mentally.  Scared that he will harden his heart and not learn anything.  Hopeful that somehow, this experience will snap him out of the funk he has been in for the past year.  Hopeful that this will make him afraid to break the rules, afraid to hang out with people of bad character that corrupt good conscience.  

He needs a job and has to get one when he gets out of jail.  It will be hard.  Many businesses will not hire someone with a felony on their record.  His driver's license is suspended for at least eight more months.  He has no car.  He has no money to buy a car.  There are no businesses close to our house that he could walk to or ride a bike to.  The road ahead climbs a hill.

I do not ask God, "why?".  That is not important.  God is in control.  He will work all things out for good.  I trust in Him and wait for relief and peace.  

Yet, my heart aches.  Like the father of the prodigal son, I stand at the edge of my property looking for my son to return.  There is nothing I can do.  I cannot fix this.  I can encourage.  I can reprimand.  But, in the end, recovery and change is in the hands and mind of a 19 year old young man.  He can choose to make the same bad choices.  He can continue to view himself as a failure.  He can choose to walk the path of recovery, day-by-day.  All I can do is pray and hope.

The only thing that really matters is where we end up when we die.  I believe my son has a saving faith in Jesus Christ.  However, the bible says in several places that a person is known by what they do.  "Can a thorn bush produce grapes?", Jesus asked.  We are all thorn bushes to some extent.  At the same time, believers are also grafted into the vine that is Jesus.  Through him (or maybe him through us), we produce good fruit.  It is faith that matters most.  The Spirit of Christ produces fruit in us.  

"LIve your life through my son, Jesus.  Be patience, kindness, hope, charity, joy, goodness, faithfulness, and especially, self-control in him."  This is my hope.

I will take my son out of prison in 30 days.  I pray he will be a different person, in Christ.